Days become weeks, which turn into months, which turn into years of just doing…lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the fact that so often I just get caught up in the day to day and just going through the motions. I find myself overwhelmed, feeling like there just aren’t enough hours in the day or I just don’t have enough time or resources to get everything I want to do and then I realize I have 24 hours, just like everyone else I’m just not being intentional with my time. I find that many of the things I want to accomplish could easily be done if I would turn off the television in the evenings, or if I would put the cell phone on silent and just be with my family, or if I would get up an hour earlier or spend an hour in the evening just working through some things.
I am then overwhelmed with guilt for all the things I am obviously not accomplishing and I just can’t seem to battle out of this constant circle. I want to work out, I want to spend more time reading both the Bible and other resources, and I feel like I never have time for me. In reality, I don’t make time for myself. Isn’t it incredible the difference between reality and perception? I was discussing this with a co-worker this week and there is such a variation between the assumptions people make about you, perception; and the reality of who you are. There are also huge disconnects between your reality and the reality of other people. How do you merge those, how are we truly transparent in who we are and what we believe?
This is a question that has been plaguing me lately, how do I truly demonstrate who I am and do I even want to. I know we’re called to be imitators of Christ Jesus, but am I really striving daily to be that? Am I really becoming more and more like Him, leaving more and more of my fleshly nature behind? Do I really want people to transparently see me for who and all I am?
Then in reading today, I came across Ann Voskamp’s blog, “A Holy Experience,” and dang that woman can write, and put words to what we’re thinking, feeling and seeing, in ways I envy…but she said, “Because only when you are blown to the unknown heights, do you unfurl your wings and begin your flight.” I realized that only when I allow myself to be tested beyond what I can imagine, or be pushed to heights beyond what I even though possible for myself, I have no choice but to let loose, unfurl my wings, and fly. In the flying I am made whole, made more of who He is, and find my joy in all things.
Just some thoughts as I’m leaning into His arms,